When I was much younger, I loved being the helper everywhere I went. I did everything with enthusiasm and energy. I genuinely enjoyed being useful, supportive, and dependable. Helping others made me feel good and at the time, that felt like reason enough.
That character trait followed me well into my early working years. I was eager, motivated, and always willing to go the extra mile. I said yes often, stepped in quickly, and took pride in being someone others could rely on. For a long time, this felt like a strength and in many ways, it was.
But about ten years into my career, I had a realisation that stopped me in my tracks – not all of my helpfulness was rooted in a genuine desire to serve. Much of it was driven by my need to be needed.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe the need to be needed is bad. It’s very much human. It often grows out of kindness, empathy, and a desire to contribute. But in my own life, I had to learn to distinguish between actions motivated by sincere love for others and those quietly fueled by a desire for validation, importance, or reassurance.
We are called to be good and loving to others. Jesus teaches us to serve, to care, and to love selflessly. But serving others for the sake of our own validation is not the same as serving out of love. When our good deeds are rooted in a need to feel valued, seen, or indispensable, the focus subtly shifts from God and others, back to ourselves.
I also realised something even deeper: when we want others to need us, we may unintentionally place ourselves where only God should be. We begin to believe, consciously or not, that we are the source of strength, help, or stability in someone else’s life. And that is a burden we were never meant to carry.
One lesson stood out above all others: we are not meant to boast about how much we’ve done for others. True service doesn’t need applause or recognition. It doesn’t keep score. It flows quietly from love, humility, and obedience.
Learning this didn’t make me less helpful – it made me more honest about my intentions when serving others. Am I serving freely, or am I seeking affirmation? Am I loving others, or am I trying to secure my worth through them?
Letting go of the need to be needed has been an act of surrender. And in that surrender, I’ve found a deeper, healthier way to serve – one that leaves room for God to be needed, and for me to be a loving servant.
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:36-40 NIV
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